I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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