You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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