One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
