I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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