Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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