Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
