A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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