I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
