Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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