I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
