I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
