i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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