that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
