he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
