There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
