A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Actions speak louder than pants.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
