Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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