I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
