u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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