Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
