you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Randomize
