All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
