Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
