don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
