i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
