ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
