She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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