The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
