The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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