I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
