I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
