How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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