Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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