Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Someone shattered a urinal.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
