drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
