I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
