wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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