Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
