Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
