I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
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