he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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