why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Semen is not good for contacts.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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