Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
