What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
