She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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