I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
