The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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