I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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