Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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