she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
