I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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