I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
we're making bets on your personal life
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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