What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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