i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
