sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
babies were throwing up all over the place
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
