mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just gargled with NyQuil
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
