He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
