JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
