My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
