when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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