Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize