Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
