Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
