ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
