it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Who died my cat blue again?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
