Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
