dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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