Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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