I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
