he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
