does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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