the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
