We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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