I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
