I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
